Solitude or loneliness, you can choose your preferred synonym, is the best Muse. At least, ever since I have come of age and literature became my bread and butter, it has been the undisputed balm to that aching sense of melancholic existence. Even though people claim to have observed a couple of grey hairs dangling from the corners, no one's ever, even in passing, remotely related wisdom to me. Foolishness has no end for me, and precedence has taught me nothing it seems--so my certitude has fallen face flat again, and all my self esteem is grovelling in the dust and my poor self eating dirt thereof and trying shake off the embarrassment. Is ignoring someone so difficult, or is it that I am trying too hard to read into things that eventually don't matter...life is not a chapter, but a novel with many chapters and every chapter comes to an end. It impacts the novel I agree, but it is only the concluding chapter that matters, all the others just lead up to it. I have a strange feeling about this guy, and I don't why I feel, he is emotionally connected to me...else why would someone be repelled...only question is how will I deal with it. Had he ignored me, fine but he says contrary things at different points in time, sometimes I feel I matter, and sometimes I don't...the question no longer is whether I matter, but does he matter...so for most I love literature but for most I hate it too--in his words "emotions" are unbecoming of me! Ten more days and he'd be off miles and miles away, and then he will realize that the emotions he kept running away from are chasing him, the further he goes, the closer he will come to me...I am not a drop of sweat he can wipe of, I am like body odour, and you have to deal with it. He said I should never have a friend like HIM till I die, so be it and he will never be able to love another girl, like he has loved me (unknowingly) till he dies. And distance will make him want me, he will come pursuing me...that is destiny...that is his destiny that he will have to come for me...and he will be driven by the very same emotions for which he called me a "poor little girl" struggling with her emotions...You will seek me...you will have to seek me...it is only a matter of time...I am a sadist...but I want to see you struggle to keep away from the emotion you concur on me, see you struggle to get me!